A controversial doctor visit: Part 2

First of all, if you have not read Part 1, you can read it here.

Second of all, while it is not easy to open up and put myself out there, in less than 24 hours since I posted part 1 I have had a great number of personal messages of love, support, and "I've been there, too!" It is so nice to be embraced (figuratively) and to share experiences together. Thank you!

On to Part 2:

So now that I am officially done with school, a lot of what I do (and post) is going to be geared towards getting ready for a baby. This is not a pregnancy announcement. (I wish!) But cleaning and organizing the house, changing my habits, physical and mental cleansing, and saving money and getting out of debt-these are all goals for today so that someday next year (I hope!) we will have a baby and we will be as squared away and prepared as possible.

On that note, I decided to get my annual physical (it has been a few years) and start seeing an OBGYN. "Pre-pregnancy counseling" is what they call it. The Nurse Practitioner I saw was really great, although I confess it is a little awkward to talk about sex (sorry, no storks at this house.) One of the first things she asked me is "how often do you exercise?"
            "Rarely," I reply. "But with school and work I am so busy, and I work a lot of days and nights and it is just really hard," I stammer, trying to justify my lack of physical activity.
            "You need to get moving." she says. "Now that school is done, you need to focus on you. You have been focusing on taking care of everyone else and now you have to take care of yourself. In fact, that's the first thing I am writing you a prescription for. Exercise." Ewww, the "E" word!
             "Okay." I laugh a little. It's hard to hear that I need to take care of myself, even though that should be a given. I can't help that I'm so giving and loving of others ;) "And you should try to lose a little weight. It will be better for you when you get pregnant." And there it is. The thing I knew she would say but was hoping she wouldn't. Lose some weight.

I left the doctor's office feeling a little down. I've tried to get healthy and lose weight several times but my efforts have only lasted a few days. It is hard to get a routine going when my work shifts rotate between day and night. But that is still no excuse. Healthy living is a choice. And boy do I love eating sweets and junk food and watching tv.

But on with the story. So I was feeling a little down after my appointment. Sometimes the truth hurts. So in self-pity I posted this on facebook:
      "I guess it is really real when the doctor tells you to lose weight before getting pregnant *feeling fat*"
I had no idea this would become such a controversial statement. There were several people who commented about what they do to keep fit or try to lose weight. There are a lot of options, after all. Then there were several people who seemed to think it was ridiculous for my doctor to suggest weight loss and that weight is a societal  misnomer, as if the numbers on the scale mean nothing. Some people are very passionate about society's view of body image. Especially when I never said anything about trying to get skinny. Everyone has an opinion. My reply to everyone was this:
     "I thank everyone for the words of encouragement but I think it is extreme to suggest I get a different doctor because she said I should exercise more and try to lose some weight. Isn't it a doctor's job to encourage us to be healthier? And while I agree that weight isn't an end-all-be-all health measurement, it is obvious that I am overweight and I know I am not in a healthy place. I am surprised more of you weren't encouraging me to be healthier for my future baby rather than saying it is ok to get pregnant when you are obese. I was a little down after my doctor appointment but it was not new information. Now I have started the 6 week summer slimdown and I am motivated to make healthier food choices and start exercising...I took 9 flights of stairs to work and resisted the donuts! 1 day at a time..."

Now, I am not perfect by any means. I have a long way to go before having healthy habits. But I can try each and every day to be better. And if I make 1 bad food choice or don't exercise, then I will do better the next day and not give up. Maybe this doctor visit was the push I needed to make some real changes. I am excited for the 6 Week Summer Slimdown to help keep me motivated and help me get to a healthier place. Here is my before picture:

The goal is to lose 6% of my body weight in 6 weeks. For me that is about 13 pounds or around 2 pounds per week. This is totally doable! I will keep you posted on my progress.

 Craftnanigans & Snazzysauce

A controversial doctor visit: Part 1

Let me start off by telling a personal story. My husband and I got married when we were 26 and 25 years old. Although we had both taken college courses, neither of us had a degree in anything. We met just prior to serving proselyting and service missions for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. (find out more about missionary work at http://www.mormon.org/values/missionary-work) We wrote letters to each other and decided to date when we got back, even though he lived in Virginia and I lived in Washington State (more about our love story another day.) I returned home in June 2008 and he returned home in July 2008. I moved to Virginia in August 2008 but didn't start work there until October 2008 because I had issues getting my car moved across the country. We got married in January 2009 and you could probably guess that we did not have very much money (you do not get paid for missionary service.) We have both been going to school and working the whole time we have been married.

I was pursuing an Associate Degree in Nursing, which should have only taken a couple of years. We had decided that when I was done with my ADN that we could start having children, since I would be a nurse and that is a pretty good job for providing for a family. Well, graduation came, and since I had heard the first year as a new grad nurse was an adjustment, we decided to wait a little longer before having children. We prayed about it and felt it was the right decision. Then we decided that it was only 3 more semesters for the RN-BSN program, and my job would pay for me to go to school, I might as well finish my Bachelor Degree before having children-since it is a lot harder to go back to school later. Again, we prayed about it and felt it was the right decision. I was itching to start a family. But we knew we should wait. I wanted to get pregnant so that when I graduated with my bachelor degree I could pop a baby right out. But when the time-frame rolled around, hubby needed a little more time. And the closer to graduating I got, the more stressed I became.

We finally decided in March that we could "stop preventing" and that if we got pregnant, it would be just fine. We went to the Temple and prayed about things again. Finally! Baby making time! Sort of. Hubby and I barely see each other for 5 minutes in a 36 or 48 hour period sometimes because of differing work and school schedules. But we made a little time and to our surprise my next period was late. Now, I have been tracking me period on a phone app for several years. I am never late. Ever. I was very giddy and excited at the prospect of getting pregnant right away. But I also knew that it takes a few days for pregnancy to happen after sex. So I waited anxiously. And I didn't want to tell anyone, because I didn't want to be wrong. But even at the thought of being pregnant I thought I would burst. I told my mom and I told my girlfriend. I just couldn't hold it in.

I was supposed to start my period on Saturday according to the app (which is usually one day after I actually start.) Hubby and I agreed to take the pregnancy test on Wednesday. Again, I was anxious and excited at the prospect of being pregnant already. And like I said, my period is NEVER late. I was fairly certain I was pregnant. I did some digging online to see how long it took for a baby to happen. Up to 5 days for the sperm to get up there and up to 6 days for the fertilized egg to attach and the body to realize it is pregnant. Hmmm. Well, I couldn't wait any longer. My hubby reluctantly agreed to let me take it Monday. I told him that if it was negative then we would take it again the following Monday, since it was still really close to the time we had sex.  I took a pregnancy test and it was negative.

Did I take it wrong since I peed in a cup? I brushed it off and at least some of the anxiety was gone. I will just take it again next Monday. No biggie. Wrong! I took it again the same day but peed directly on the stick. Still negative. Dang it. Okay, be strong. It just needs a little more time to burrow and make a home. We will check it again next Monday.

Monday never came. My period started Wednesday and my heart was crushed. How could this be? My period is never late? I was in denial. I even looked online some more because I had heard you can still bleed when you are pregnant. Yes, you can, when the fertilized egg is burrowing. But that is just a little blood. This was definitely my period. I was devastated. And on top of my heartbreak, everyone else kept announcing pregnancies. This was not easy, but I knew it was only our first time trying. My good friend tried for 2 1/2 years before getting pregnant the first time...My parents tried for almost 3 for my little brother (and look what they got! JK bro, love ya!) This was just the first try. We still have plenty of time. And lucky me, I got a UTI anyway so baby making was on hold and I focused on my finals...

End Part 1. Come back tomorrow for Part 2.

 Craftnanigans & Snazzysauce

May Day-A Fresh Start

Happy May Day!

So, you may have noticed it has been, well, 5 months since my last post. In fact, I only posted for 4 days. Started off great, didn't I? In case you couldn't tell, my January goals and any months thereafter have not been very successful. I have still been procrastinating, spending money, eating out too much, etc, etc, etc...and, not posting here. I am still trying to figure out how to organize and balance my life. 

But hooray, school is done! I have turned in the last assignment for my Bachelor degree and the burden of school has been lifted from off my mind. I do, however, have a "To Do" list a mile long of projects that I haven't started or only half-way started in the last 5 years, not to mention I have been ignoring my housework for the last several months (or years!) as well. I started to get a little stressed about that. Mostly the messy-house-that-looks-like-a-tornado-came-through thing. Both hubby and I had the day off today and I warned him last night that today we were going to spend some time cleaning the kitchen. And I had every intention of getting up and spending the whole day cleaning. 

However, a tender mercy came along last night. A friend posted on Facebook a blog article from a blog called Hands Free Mama. I had never heard of this blog before. This wonderful mother Rachel talks about a movement she has created, through inspiration from her daughter, called "Hands Free." The idea is that you notice the little moments where you should put down the laundry, or the computer, or whatever is distracting you and focus your attention on the important moment at hand; focusing on spending time with family versus doing busy things. 

I started thinking a little bit about how little time I spend with my husband. We have both been in school and working the whole 5 years we have been married. We often work opposite work schedules and there have been many times where I have seen him for 5 minutes in a 36 hour period as I climb into bed and he gets out. Even when we are both home we are occupied with homework or doing our own thing on the computer or tv. We often have "conversations" where one person is talking while the other person is flipping through their phone. We rarely give each other our full attention. That is probably one reason the past 5 years have gone by in a blur. 

So today I decided to make my time more purposeful. Plans were to drop hubby's car off to be repaired and then come home and clean. But we were both a little tired so we made brunch together, watched our meal time tv show, and then decided to go look around the mall. We walked and we talked. And we were leisurely. There was no rush, no hurry. I knew the dishes would still be waiting for us when we got home. We spent time together and it was wonderful. And although we used up the time that we should have been cleaning and then hubby had to work on homework in the afternoon, I was okay working on the kitchen by myself. And I wasn't worried about getting it all clean today, even though there is little time in the next week to clean because of our busy work schedules. I even came home from a meeting and I played video games with my hubby. He wishes I played video games with him more often. It is important to him, and he is important to me, so I showed him that by playing video games with him. 

And I noticed something else, too. Because I didn't fuss earlier about him not cleaning the kitchen with me, and was willing to do something he wanted to do (video games), he did a load of dishes for me, like I asked him to (while I was driving home), without so much complaining. There was more love, more patience, less complaining and less yelling in our home today. All because we spent more time with each other. And it was so wonderful.

Today is May Day. A time for renewal, a time for a fresh start. And I am taking it. I am trying to be more "hands free", more devoted to spending more time with my hubby and less time with Facebook, more relaxed and less stressed. Let's see where this life takes me...

 Craftnanigans & Snazzysauce